This evening, I received a text message that fell into a subject that I have thought about a lot lately…
In friendship and life, are you a Number 1, a Number 2, or BOTH?
Despite the obvious potty reference, the numbers have, sort of, a perfect semblance to my point.
Everyone knows a Number One type. They are usually the folks that get on a fairly sane person’s nerves. These are the kinds of things you may hear them say:
I never get anything.
Why should I help them, no one does anything for me.
I’m going to find a [insert significant other] that makes a lot of money, so I don’t have to do anything.
I don’t want to.
What gives these people such an unmerited sense of entitlement? These I-hate-that/them, judgmental, something for nothing, critical, whiney, self-absorbed, unmotivated persons often make we want to smack the piss (or Number One…if your punny) out of them. You can notice Ones right away by the “braggert-ish” things they will say in proportioned to how jealous of someone else they are.
Ones cannot stand someone else having something that they want. Rather than working harder or making things happen for themselves, they will belittle the object of their obsession until either someone gives in and gives it to them or they find something else to mock/crave more. They will always surround themselves with people who cushion their egos with compliments and nice gestures. Ones are self-conscious and misery loves company
…Enter Number Two. Number Twos are heard saying things like this:
Is there anything I can do for you. Let me know if you I can help.
Well, I really don’t want to, but [insert Number One] asked me to.
Twos are always the first one at the party and the last to leave, after cleaning up of course. You have probably receive a card in the mail from a Two. They are thoughtful and, opposite from Ones, want to please everyone and lastly themselves. Their worth is calculated by adding up the amount of happiness they give others. It can be to a fault sometimes. The they-need-it-more, if-you-say-so, did-you-see-how-happy-they-were, as-you-wish, call-me-anytime-for-anything, no-thanks-required mentality of a Two often gets them taken advantage of. How fitting. Number twos get the crap end of the deal.
They are completely co-dependant though. Who would come bail out ol’ One-derful after a night of public intoxication and being cited for disorderly conduct? Totally Two-bular. And who would keep forgetting to re-pay their Goody-Goody Two-shoes personal bondsman after 9 months? All the while spending money like it’s going out of style? The One-hole.
Would the world still revolve if there were no Ones or Twos? Yes. I’m sure there are places where Ones are fewer and further between, and Twos have more inclination to reply “NO!” Most people I know have been a One and a Two at times and in certain situations either is totally acceptable. But when your “role” in a friendship requires you to be the Two every time and the One doesn’t even know the difference. I say move on. Run for the hills….
hmm…the hills. I hear it’s nice there this time of year. I think I’ll be planning my trip there very soon. Good-bye Ones. See you later Twos. I’m off in search of a happy medium. Shall we say…halfsies??